The N-Judah Chronicles

The one time I didn't compose a posting offline, complete with links and whatnots, and that's the one time my ISP decides to pull a MUNI and crap out on me. I cannot communicate just how frustrating this is. Lesson learned - never compose a complex posting online, and follow the rules one sets out for themselves, in this case don't compose online.

I'll reconstruct it and repost it later on. Meanwhile, I will regale you all with an incident that happened after the infamous Bay To Breakers event yesterday, which according to our friends at SFist had some issues Sunday.

So, there I was minding my own business, heading out from the Duboce Park Cafe towards downtown. As you all may or may not have been aware, MUNI was in overdrive (sort of) providing extra trains and buses and 7 dollar fun rides for all those people after the big race.

Anyway, so as I wait for my N to show up, one pulls up and it is packed, sardine-style, with happy people from all over the city. What I did not count on, however, was seeing the N used as a recycling truck. Yes, that's right. You see, two enterprising individuals took it upon themselves to collect nine huge garbage bags worth of plastic water bottles in hopes of getting the CRV for each. So, intelligently, they chose to take an N on the most packed day of the season.

Yeah. That was my reaction too.

Oh, but it gets better. You see, as I watched these two Rhodes Scholars try to get all of these huge bags off the super-crowded N-Judah, I noticed that one bag was starting to snag on the handrail by the exit. Before I could say "Stop, kind gentlemen, you're about to spill f*cking bottles all over the place," it tore open. Suddenly the stop, the train floor and the sidewalk were covered in stupid water bottles. Of course this delayed things even more.

Finally, I managed to get on the train, while everyone else was trying to kick water bottles out the door. The Genius Duo decided to snap every one of them up, and had no problem reaching under the about to start moving train to grab every last one of them. News flash, geniuses - you can still redeem the bottles if they are flat. You cannot, however, get a new hand if your existing one gets chopped off, at the recyclers.

I was glad to get off the train when I did and go about the rest of my day. I did leave MUNI wondering a few things - one was why it is they can have enough trains to run for BTB, but not for the daily commute. The other was how much it costs MUNI to service all these big special events - and how it is that MUNI riders are the ones that end up shouldering the costs for these things (in both actual costs and lost service) and not those who created the added burden in the first place?

Posted by Greg Dewar at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

So there I am, taking the Mighty N-Judah downtown recently, and we make the usual stop at Duboce and Church St. Usually there's not much to see, except the usual assortment of waiting passengers, etc. Just the same ol' scene.

Then I look out the window and catch an "only in SF" moment when I see this wild-eyed weirdo running around the N-Judah stop, with that whole "I'm either on meth, crack or just so crazy I don't care if I go and who I take with me" look. In other words, just the kind of fellow one wants to share the bus stop with.

Not only was he drinking out of a rather large flask, he then got on one of those scooters meant for disabled people and/or seniors and started driving around in the street! Needless to say, it was a bit bizarre, and made for camera phone moment.

So I took a few pics, although my camera phone wasn't quick enough to get a shot of the guy giving me the finger once he realized he was being recorded for the masses. Class-see.

Just another day on the N-Judah line....

Posted by Greg Dewar at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today I got a chance to demonstrate some honest-to-goodness Obi-Wan level Jedi moves on the N-Judah, in front of an appreciative audience.

Now, regular riders of said N-Judah aren't always aware they are in the presence of a) a loyal rider of the N-Judah and b) the cheapest SOB in town. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping at the Mega Safeway on Market Street.

Not only is this one of the largest Safeways in town, it is also more or less door to door service from Safeway to home. Thus, I being Mr. Thrifty (or Mr. Cheapass, depending on your POV) am unwilling to pay The Man's cab companies for the ride home.

Now, if I shopped Euro-style, I'd only buy at the local market what I needed that day to make the evening meal. Since we're Americans, living in America, I'm out for bargains and scan that frakking Safeway insert for the bargains. Americans 1, Eurotrash 0 in my book.

There is one downside, though. Plastic bags. Lots of plastic bags. And when you get on a frakkin' crowded N-Judah (especially when Yuppies with iPods - aka kids - are on board) God help you if you got more than a fanny pack of crap from your fun run.

That is when I pull out my Jedi moves. Hipster doofuses from around the city are impressed.

What is my move? Simple. I can have as many as eight heavy bags of Whatever in my Safeway bags, carry a 12-er of Pabst and a frakkin' pizza from the deli, not use the appointed straphangers or poles on our Beloved N-Judah, and surf my way home.

Continue reading "Pulling an Obi-Wan Level Jedi Move on the N-Judah" »

Posted by Greg Dewar at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

The Following is a Public Service Announcement from The N-Judah Chronicles

Now that the 40 days of rain is behind us and we all welcome the warm weather of summer, it's time for some advice for those of you choosing to enjoy the hot weather (such as we had last weekend) and the many activities around our city.

If you choose to go outside and enjoy a day at the park, an afternoon cocktail, a run or bike ride, or just a plain old fashioned walk, please remember that when it gets hot outside, people get hot too. And when they do, they can smell bad.

This is not aimed solely at our vagrant population! Many people are unaware that when it's 90 degrees outside, or even 70 or 80, without proper antiperspirant or deodorant, they can smell worse than a hippie deadbeat looking for "buds."

Worse, many of these people have no idea of their offensive condition, but their fellow MUNI passengers do!

Thus, we at the N-Judah Chronicles ask you to please remember to use your favorite personal hygiene products before you go out. If you’re unsure which to use, please consult your neighborhood store, and choose one of the many products sold by America’s biggest corporations.

Save the environment and do a favor for your fellow MUNI riders! The N-Judah Chronicles and the people of the City of San Francisco thank you for your cooperation!

I'm getting a brand new Comcast cable modem any day now! Then I can post on a regular basis! Earthlink Sucks!

Posted by Greg Dewar at 08:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

While Muni makes its share of goofs, screw-ups, and whatnots, it's important to remember that sometimes the reason you're stuck waiting for Muni is not because of a bureaucratic foul-up, but because of the walking talking fecal matter known as Our Fellow Citizens.

Case in point: Today on the N-Judah inbound, the train came to a full stop at Carl and Cole at around 3pm. After a couple of minutes, the driver announced that he was unable to proceed becuase a car was parked in a red zone. The red zone is designated as such because the Muni cars need that space to be able to turn. Otherwise, they can't.

So, after some patient waiting by the many folks in the double car, people started to get pissed, 5 minutes became 10, and 10 became 20. It was clear Human Turd Boy who parked his car illegally wasn't coming back anytime soon. People were getting pissed.

And this was just on my car. Imagine the conga line of autos backed up on Carl St., not to mention the people at the next stop, waiting in the cold, windy weather. OR the people waiting at the stop after that. The domino effect is quick and merciless when these idiots block the way.

Now, at this point I should point out that no one blamed Muni or the driver - they knew exactly what was up and sat there or made other plans. Some got off the train in search of other means of transport. But I, being who I am, asked the driver to clearly deisgnate which car was the troublemaker and decided to engage in some vigilante justice.

Of course, when I got off the train I had no idea what I'd do, but it made me feel better, anyway.

I was going to leave a rude note, complete with all sorts of clever ways to say "you're a double f*cked retarded jackass" but alas, I was out of notepaper. Damn! Then I hit on the idea of keying the mofo's car. But I quickly remembered one of the Laws of the Universe - the minute Ido something like this, I get caught, unlike the tool that spraypainted my car in Venice Beach (but that's another story).

Continue reading "The Human Turd That Blocked the N-Judah on MLK Day" »

Posted by Greg Dewar at 08:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (1)