La La La...Let's All Celebrate the Latest (Trial) Balloon Hoax And Take It To the Next Level...
This one came in the form of a fanciful, vaguely thought out notion that we're going to ban all traffic, including the many Muni lines that commute from the neighborhoods to the downtown, in favor of some sort of fanciful thruway dedicated to bikes, "pedestrians," and I suppose all the magical creatures that would thrive in this new Nirvana By the Sea.
Now, nevermind that there's no real study of such an idea, or that a vague line like "move it all to Mission," created by some speechwriter, not a planner or engineer is not serious transit policy. And the fact this would kill off the popular F-Line and the MSR, among many other consequences are to be considered, but nevermind that just now.
As always, this is not a serious idea (think back to the days when the "Mayor" and the Supervisors wanted to de-fund Muni with this vague idea about making Muni "free"), and never will be. It's just a "feel good" blast of the day that distracts you from all the Muni FAILs we've had lately, or the fact that riding the N and getting to work in less than an hour is as much of a myth as this one.
Instead, let's take this, and all fanciful ideas our more psychedelic neighbors can come up with and take it to the next level. Forget banning Muni along Market Street - why not ban it entirely? Ban cars too, since they are Satan's Vehicle of Choice. And bikes too - remember they are forged out of metals in the industrial fires of Hell, fueled by cute puppies and coal. (Shocking but true - bicycles are not all made of hemp).
Instead, I think we should fulfill all these fantasies by going to a unicorn/pony/rainbow/flying carpet system. Muni will no longer be short for Municipal Railway - it'll be short for the Municipal Unicorn Transit System. You won't wait for a mere tram to take you about - you'll simply imagine a unicorn that will take to your destination, stress free.
If unicorns aren't your fancy, there'll be magic carpets for those who are going to a drum circle in the park with friends. Rainbows will be expressways to and from across town. And you'll pay not a dime, because the City will impose taxes on leprechaun gold, wizard's potions, and the legal marijuana that's coming in 2010. There'll be no more angst, I'll change the name of this blog to the "Magical Man from Happyland" and I'll report on the goings on at the newly renamed Gumdrop Lane.
If all of this sounds rather ridiculous, it should. But remember - dumb ideas created by speechwriters don't always go away like silly blog posts. Bad political rhetoric in the 90s gave us the billion dollar boondoggle as the Central Subway. So beware of what you let your politicians wish for!