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June 27, 2006

"You're In the Blog, Buster!"

One of the rewards of writing The N-Judah Chronicles is that the many irritations and perceived slights in life that once were filed away in some dark recesses of the brain (if remembered at all) now fuel my writing. So, when MUNI does something dumb, I no longer grumble internally - rather, I grumble externally online for the entire world to see.

For example, today, I was running to catch an approaching N-Judah I'd found on NextBus and all indications were that I'd just barely make it. However, the MUNI driver had other ideas, and did a nice California Stop, and didn't even bother to stop for any potential passengers.

I waved my hand in the air to indicate I was running to the stop, and very very reluctantly, he stopped his California Stop and let me on. But then I got a nice rude lecture from the guy about how it was all my fault because I wasn't "at the stop on time" and continued to give me a load of 'tude, rudely.

What I wanted to say: "Frak you very much, Mr. OverpaidCityWorkerWhoDoesn'tCareAboutHisJobOrServingThePublic. YOU were the one doing a California Stop. YOU were the one not stopping on time. YOU are the one being a jerk!"

What I ended up saying: "Fine. Just so you know, you're in the blog, buster."

Possibly the emptiest threat, and most mystifying comment a rider could make to a MUNI conductor. Sure it sounded a little bit like Jack Lemmon in the Out of Towners, with his "sue list", but so what?

Maybe when the N-Judah Chronicles ascends to its rightful place as one of the "cool" blogs in town, that everyone is reading and quoting, it'll have some more impact.

For now, it's a really funny joke only I seem to get in these situations, but I figure it's better than squeezing rage into a bitter ball and, well you know, the whole whiskey bottle thing.

June 22, 2006

June 22nd aka "Official San Francisco Goof Off Day"

If Mayor Gavin and the Board of Supervisors want to get more popular in this city, they need to stop all this policy jazz, and come up with some cool gimmicks. For example, when it was a spectacular 80 degrees even on the westside today in San Francisco, they need to call a press conference, issue a proclamation declaring it "Official San Francisco Goof Off and Enjoy the Weather Day" and give everyone a free pass on the Muni.

True, it won't solve the world's ills, nor will it satiate the dour, serious types that seem to dominate policy chatter, but guess what? No one cares. On days like today, it's time to put away the speechifyin' and enjoy a nice day outside.

Now, until recently I've had to work on site for a client, but as of yesterday I'm back to my home office routine. One of the very few benefits of said routine is that if the weather is hot and windless at 10am on a Thursday, I can declare it my own "Get the Hell Out of the So Called Office and Get Outside Day" and do my work at night when it's cooled off. So that's what I did.

But like many, when confronted with a random day off, the question came up - what to do first? I decided that since it was a Save the Air Day, I'd use our Might N and affiliated routes to randomly have a tour of the city. (The fact that I already buy a monthly bus pass did nothing to confuse the exuberance of the moment).

Anyway.

So after mailing off some Netflix DVDs at the post office, I flipped a coin. Heads, I was headed to Ocean Beach on the N. Tails, I was inbound.


It was Heads. Off I went.

It was a nice air-conditioned ride too, and I looked around at all the way out west establishments along the way, thinking ahead to that whole N-Owl pub crawl we plan on doing later this summer. But once I got to Ocean Beach, I began to wonder - "now what?"

I wasn't really in the mood to go to the actual beach itself, and there is not much out there to just "see." So I took a look at the route for the 18 to the Legion of Honor, and decided rather than wait for a bus that may or may not show up, instead just walk it for a while.

It was nice. I bought a bottle of water and walked along the ocean, and damn, I wish I had my stupid camera with me. The sky was crystal clear, and there was not a hint of fog or cold anywhere. True, the hairy fat guy without a shirt reading the paper at the side of the road took a bit away from the moment, but I blotted it out of my scene and enjoyed the walk.

I ended up near the Cliff House but then decided to radically change direction (thanks to a coin flip) and found the start of the famous 38 Geary line, which is the nation's busiest transit line. (It is also one of the most f*cked up from personal experience - I actually moved out of a place after a month after dealing with this stupid line). I figured it might be fun to see it before it gets all crazy and got on. Nothing like random chance, right?

It was kinda fun if only because I was in a part of town I can see easily from my home in the Inner Sunset, and I wasn't planning on staying on it all the way downtown (I'm not a glutton for punishment). I ended up getting off in the mid 20s in the Avenues and was originally planning to find that Albertson's that is being closed and is having some sort of super-fab sale. But I gave up on that and ended up walking towards Sea Cliff (which is known as the neighborhood Democrats love to hate) for the hell of it. Hey it was a nice day, why not?

Eventually I ended up walking into the semi public semi private park known as The Presidio. I used to use the Presidio as a shortcut to the Golden Gate Bridge when I was a daily commuter from Sausalito to South City. Aside from that I've bowled there a few times but other than that, the Presidio hasn't always been on my top 10 destinations. What a mistake!

I walked to Baker Beach, but eventually decided to take a 29 to Lombard St. But as the bus approached it wasn't a Muni bus, but instead the PresidiGo shuttle bus. What fun that was !

You get a much different route around the attractions and byways in this former military base, and it's always free. Again, I was bedeviled by the fact that I didn't have my camera - suffice to say if you are a native and have not done this route or if you're a tourist looking for something unique, get on the bus.

Eventually I got off the bus at Lombard St. and took a walk through the neighborhood, as I have done in the past. But by the time I got to Van Ness Avenue, I wasn't sure where to go next. It was time for a coin flip and the coin flip said to get on the 49 Van Ness. Umm...OK.

But after a few minutes I realized this was a mistake and got off at Geary. It was just too lame to be on, and hey, there was Tommy's Joynt right in my face. Although I wasn't in the mood for a pastrami sandwich or a beer, I figured it might be a good place to cool off with a diet coke and lime while I decided my next coin flip. I watched a delayed broadcast of the Ghana/US World Cup game, but since I already knew the result, it wasn't much fun. I got back on the much-maligned 38 Geary thanks to the coin's whims. and figured I'd see what would happen.

BIG mistake. Now, as I said before, the 38 is one of the most heavily traveled lines in the world. Add to the fact it was "Save the Air" day (aka Deadbeat Day) and you can imagine how packed this thing was. I got off at Fillmore just to get rid of the smell and the heat in that mobile sardine can, and decided I'd stop in the Safeway, buy a few vegetables, take the 22 to the N and go home. It was almost 5pm.

And there my road to Hell began.

Now, normally the 22 Fillmore is a crapshoot any day you choose. You can get great kimchi at that little Korean market there, as well as tons of other good stuff, and there is a Safeway there too. But getting on the 22 itself may mean either riding it surfer-style with your treasures, or not. You never know.

I got on and it was not so bad. The hipster doofus iPod guy didn't realize it was Free Ride Day and was surprised. Hooray for him. But I got off at the N-Judah stop at Church and Duboce and there my travails began.

It started with a long wait, one that would try the patience of Job. That alone was not a big deal, but when the stupid N showed up, it was packed tighter than a Tokyo subway, and no one was getting off the train! It was futile to even try, and when I saw some poor old lady trying to get on, I said "screw it" and figured she deserved getting on the train more than I did. I ended up talking to the Muni driver who was getting off work and he told me that there was some "unusually odd problem" with the trains because it was so late, and so packed.

Fine. I'll take the Ghetto 6 Parnassus.

Another "Big Mistake." I ended up waiting even longer. After 6 hours of walking and whatnot I just wanted to go home, and would have paid for a cab, but cabs don't like that part of town at that time of day, I guess. So I waited and finally a Ghetto 6 Parnassus showed up. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to go home and a 6 can get me kinda close.

In the end it was fine, but it was a tiny sour note to an otherwise glorious day. A fellow rider joked with me that these "free days" on mass transit actually punish those of us who ride it every day. I asked her to explain and she laid it out pretty simply: "You paid $45 for a monthly pass. A free day gets you nothing you didn't already get. These freebies get a free day. But what is your reward for 'Saving the Air?'"

An interesting point. But at this point I don't care. I'm home. I had a great day. It was hot and sunny in San Francisco, and no amount of Muni foibles, hippie bullsh*t, or politics was detracting from my time. IT was a good day to be in town and I was happy to be there. Next time I'm taking pictures, though.

June 21, 2006

Ride Free on Muni, Pretty Much Everywhere, On Thursday!

If you didn't have enough to celebrate here in San Francisco, what with the hot, sunny weather we've been having and all sorts of exciting outdoor events downtown, now you have another reason to enjoy the week - and ride for free on Muni!

June 22nd has been declared a Spare the Air Day, due to the combination of heat and lack of wind, and to encourage people to get out of their cars and ride mass transit, you can ride for free on pretty much any mass transit system in the Bay Area!

For a complete list of participating agencies, check out this list at 511.org and if you aren't already a mass transit rider, take a chance tomorrow.

If nothing else, try taking a cable car on one of these sunny days (like I did today). Times like these reaffirm why it's kinda nice to live here. And it makes up for those gloomy days we had during the Haight St. Fair a few weeks ago!

June 10, 2006

Pulling an Obi-Wan Level Jedi Move on the N-Judah

Today I got a chance to demonstrate some honest-to-goodness Obi-Wan level Jedi moves on the N-Judah, in front of an appreciative audience.

Now, regular riders of said N-Judah aren't always aware they are in the presence of a) a loyal rider of the N-Judah and b) the cheapest SOB in town. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping at the Mega Safeway on Market Street.

Not only is this one of the largest Safeways in town, it is also more or less door to door service from Safeway to home. Thus, I being Mr. Thrifty (or Mr. Cheapass, depending on your POV) am unwilling to pay The Man's cab companies for the ride home.

Now, if I shopped Euro-style, I'd only buy at the local market what I needed that day to make the evening meal. Since we're Americans, living in America, I'm out for bargains and scan that frakking Safeway insert for the bargains. Americans 1, Eurotrash 0 in my book.

There is one downside, though. Plastic bags. Lots of plastic bags. And when you get on a frakkin' crowded N-Judah (especially when Yuppies with iPods - aka kids - are on board) God help you if you got more than a fanny pack of crap from your fun run.

That is when I pull out my Jedi moves. Hipster doofuses from around the city are impressed.

What is my move? Simple. I can have as many as eight heavy bags of Whatever in my Safeway bags, carry a 12-er of Pabst and a frakkin' pizza from the deli, not use the appointed straphangers or poles on our Beloved N-Judah, and surf my way home.

Yes. Really.

Today I didn't have quantity, but I did have unwieldy. And thanks to the totally nasty and rude folks with their Legion of iPods (aka children = loud obnoxious accessories they don't give a hoot about) I had nowhere to hold on much less lean on in my quest home.

Instead,sans pizzas and Pabst, I rode it home surfer style. I could feel the eyes on me, wondering when I'd lose my Japantown treasures, my bottle of sake, my Udon noodles, and God knows what else I picked up in a shopping spree today. And even when we did the patented Muni "Stop Start Stop Start" which has been known to fell even the mighty, I and my tons of alcoholic beverages and assorted knickknacks were not denied. I surfed the N-Judah, bags and all, and I didn't care who looked.

When I finally got off the train, the hipster skaters looked at me and the hippest one said "Sh*t dude, I was waiting for you to lose it on the train. And yet you didn't. With all that sh*t. For an older guy you can skate, dude!"

Hell yes I do. And f*ck you for noting my age. I'm not old, I'm 37!

Ah well. I'll enjoy the recognition of my Jedi skills amongst the Padawan. Meanwhile, the rest of you readers will enjoy the recognition of my skills as a nerd. Enjoy your weekend.

And God help you if you have to ride the N-Judah with groceries and sans me.....

More Drama on the N-Judah Line - Bank of America Gets Robbed!

A day late with the news, to be sure, but then again I didn't see anything in today's Chronicle right away either...yesterday as I was getting ready to run my goofy errands of the day, I decided for some odd reason not to go to the post office like I'd planned. There was some noise, sounded like a bunch of fire trucks, and I got a call, so I ended up catching the next N outbound, vs. inbound, instead.

As it turned out, I missed a pretty nasty bank robbery at the Bank of America on Irving and 9th as a result. I did notice a number of unmarked police cars driving around, and suddenly all these guys standing at every corner. As the N went west, I saw more cars driving around, more standard patrol cars, and more police. This was getting odd. Was it real or just a filming of the pilot for Streets of San Francisco - 2006?"

I got off just before Ocean Beach, and there were even more. Now it was starting to look like an episode of "24" when the local policia are called in to assist Jack Bauer in kicking some ass in a residential neighborhood. I saws a news truck and asked them what was going on and he told me. Now, I would have "blogged" about this or ran out and got a camera phone to provide some local-news style entertainonews, but I suck, I figured I'd see something in the paper, but I didn't.

Anyway, the last I heard they had caught one guy and were on the way to catch the other one, and the FBI was involved. Even people at the coffee place two doors down had no idea there'd been an armed robbery that day.

Car fires, armed robberies, all on the N-Judah line. What's next?

June 7, 2006

Fire on the N-Judah Line!

While taking a late afternoon walk on Irving Street, I caught a good old-fashioned car fire right at Irving and 9th right as the trusted N was pulling up. It started out as an awful smoky smell coming from a passing car, and moved quickly to a bigger, smokier fire, and finally shooting flames out of the car.

Now, if I was a true "blogger" I suppose I would have used my super duper camera phone, or even a digitial camera to capture the drama, but I have neither, so all I can say is that the sheer amount of smoke being pumped out by this fire, coupled with the shooting flames made for some drama. Fortunately, no one was hurt, although the passengers were a bit shaken up. As I walked by the burnt out hulk of the BMW, I could see why.

What made more more drama, however, was the totallly bizarre 911 response. I tried calling on my cell, and I can only assume that because others saw the problem and called in as well, that must have been why my call didn't even go through. I spoke with one of the owners of the Irving St. Market (one of my two favorites on Irving St.) and he had called three times, without getting through. Many other residents expressed frustration at their problems calling 911 as well.

It makes one wonder, if there were a bigger emergency, what would happen? Now we were fortunate los bomberos de San Francisco arrived when they did, but all I could wonder is why it is we have so many posters asking for 911 operators to apply for the gig, and why it is we have so many questions about our disaster preparedness chief, Annemarie Conroy.

Another day, another drama on the N-Judah Line.

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